I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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