They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
