before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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