i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
