Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
