4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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