How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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