I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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