i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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