I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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