Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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