you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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