Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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