good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize