how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Drunk is not a location!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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