What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize