apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
