Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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