i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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