if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
