Who wears a wallet chain?!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
