Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
