I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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