I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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