Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
