Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
