I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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