Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
