all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
