guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
