Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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