how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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