well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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