peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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