Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
