I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
