Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
