i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
