Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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