God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
