if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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