Your face is a jimmy john
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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