He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
