Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
