ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
