Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
