her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
