I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
