so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
