you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
