Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
