This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
