So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
