The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I believe in your delicious
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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