this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
