If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
