why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
