i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
