So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
