i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
