he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
