Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
