She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
