census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
