Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
