I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
