Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!