I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
