I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
