Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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