Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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