my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
