the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
