Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
