I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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