new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
