just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
