Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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