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Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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