YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
