I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole