Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care