She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
These tits shall not be calmed